Amanda's little corner

2010-03-26T19:54:00.002-04:00

I have officially become HORRIBLE at blogging

2010-03-26T19:41:00.002-04:00

I just logged onto my blog and realized that it's been a cool three months since I have posted anything! Wow, maybe it's time to hang up the hat on this! I guess when you are a mom and work full time, the time to sit on the computer just for the fun of it is non existent.

So, let's do a quick update-

Matty turned one! WOW! I am going to post some pictures. I can't believe that one entire year has passed on one hand and on the other, I can't remember ever being without him. We had a heck of a big party which he will never remember! I just feel so blessed after having wanted to be a mom for so long to have a one year old. He's growing so fast, running all around and getting into all kinds of things that he shouldn't. I am getting a crash course in being patient, that's for sure. I have a new appreciation for my own mom and dad more and more everyday.

Yes, we are pregnant again. How do I feel? Hmmm, interesting question. I mean, I am thankful and happy but the whole pregnancy thing is married to thick trepidation so I am desperately trying to mind over matter and enjoy the process but it's difficult. Part of me is convinced daily that things won't come to fruition with this pregnancy. I have been praying a lot that the Lord would give me peace. I know that it's His will anyway so I have to trust Him and know that He is above all. By the way, due in October-which seems ten years away!

Still trying to sell the darn house in Ford City. That thing is a thorn in my side. If I had a buck for every time a sale fell through I guess I would only have five bucks or so but it sure seems like a lot. The gutters froze and broke tumbling into the awning which subsequently also shattered. That was a nice $1500 bill. Ugh, saps the life out of you. The Lord will provide though.

BTW, not going to find out if we are having a boy or girl-yeah we are going to be surprised. It will be nice to be surprised.

So, that's the update. We are happy and healthy and thanking the Lord for where we are and just doing some major praying that this little one in my belly will be healthy and well just breathing when he/she comes out!

Where has time gone?

2009-12-16T15:41:00.003-05:00

It's hard for me to believe that somehow this last year has completely slipped away from me. I have gone from having a tiny little defenseless infant to the little crazy man that he is today. I never pictured myself chasing a little naked butt as I am trying to strap him down to get his diaper on! But-here I am! He's so fast-he can climb our stairs in like thirty seconds! I can't even begin to describe the joy that Matty has infused into our lives. He is absolutely hilarious. I seriously can't wait to have more children. That will come in the Lord's time though! So, to those of you who follow my blog-if there is anyone left out there-here are some updates pictures and my apologies for not posting more often!

I have the GREATEST Friends!

2009-09-17T14:13:00.002-04:00

I had the best weekend...three of my dearest friends came to visit me and we had a wonderful time.It's amazing just how being with your best girlfriends can melt away stress and allow your crazy side to come out! As much as I love being a mom, sometimes, I can't help but notice that the free sprited crazy girl has been replaced by the mother who is far more serious! Thank you girls! I love you so much!

6 months old!

2009-09-02T15:07:00.003-04:00

Matty will be six months old in only a few days. I can't believe I have been a mother for six months on one hand but on the other I can't imagine ever not being Matty's mom. He has two teeth now and is working very diligently to cut the two upper teeth. He drinks from a sippy cup too! He crawls on the floor, although not very gracefully! We are still working on sleeping through the night, but I don't mind. It's so hard to believe how quickly he is growing. He has such a great personality and is genuinely happy. Although, I have to say, I have seen recently that a little monster emerges when we attempt to put the boy in his car seat. There is something that he just doesn't appreciate about being tied in. Perhaps he is a free spirit like his Mommy!

Angry Mess

2009-07-10T14:15:00.003-04:00

Well, we just hit the four month mark, and the little man is finally ready for something other than just a liquid diet! So, we have been working on integrating some steak and potatoes-or should I say rice cereal and pears? It's so exciting to see Matthew learning about food, the taste, stickiness, and feel of it in his mouth! He is doing well but man does he get completely drenched in food when he eats. It seems that he and I are in a spoon grabbing competition with each mealtime. I had to share this picture. It's hilarious!

Breastfeeding:before and after

2009-06-29T16:21:00.002-04:00

It's weird how your perspective changes on situations based on the side of the fence you are on.I always knew that I wanted to nurse my kids but my thoughts on nursing before I did it and now once that I am doing it vary a great deal. So, I have compiled a list of my thoughts on breastfeeding now that I am in the saddle!

1. While I do believe in being discreet, I do believe that it's my right to nurse wherever the heck I want. For the first two weeks I nursed, I was terrified of doing it in public and didn't want to leave the house. I would go back to the car and nurse the baby for fear of what people would think. Then something clicked and I realized a couple of things. First, I am the only one who can feed my little one and he is depending on me. If he wants to eat, I am going to feed him-end of story. Secondly, in case society has blurred your vision, God made boobs to feed babies-not to fill full of saline and squeeze into tiny triangular shaped bathing suits. I shouldn't have to be embarrassed because I am doing what I was created to do.

2. The bond that it creates between you and your child is immeasurable. This is something that my little boy and I share that no one else shares with him and I love the closeness nursing provides.

3. I recently bought nursing pads made my Gerber that had no sticky adhesive on the back. Whoever made these pads couldn't have been thinking. As I am nursing and trying to be houdini so no one gets a free show, my nursing pad comes flying out. Great. Or, if it doesn't come flying out, it bunches all up so it doesn't do it's job and it makes me look like I stuffed my bra with a lumpy sock. So, don't buy nursing pads without the little sticky. It makes a BIG difference.

4. Did you know nursing burns an extra 500 calories a day? That my friend is why after only three months, I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant!!

5. When you are a nursing mother, you have to give consideration to all the items in your wardrobe. In the morning a shirt may be more than appropriate but as the day goes on and you are away from your little one, it may grow less and less appropriate! You may end your work day looking like Pamela Lee Anderson if you aren't careful!!

6. I feel the rewards greatly outweigh the inconveniences of nursing so my advice to all mothers is- Go for it!

School of Hard Knocks?

2009-06-27T20:34:00.003-04:00

So I am just a few weeks away from my ten year high school reunion. I can't believe it's been ten years. I don't feel as old as I thought people my age were when I was young. And, as I have been on the committee planning the reunion, I have had alot of time to really think about how I have changed since I graduated. I have learned so much. I wish someone would have told me all the stuff that I had to figure out on my own but then again, get real, as a teen I wouldn't have believed them anyhow. So, here is my two cents about the last ten years:

1. Whether you are popular in high school in no way effects whether you are successful and popular in life.

2. If I would have been as ambitious about my studies as I was with being in every single extra curricular activity, I wouldn't still be paying on my student loans because I would have had scholarships

3. I spent way too much time worrying about what other people thought. Who the heck really cares if your jeans come from Wal-Mart of Abercrombie?

4. In high school, I spent all my time trying to convince everyone-mostly my parents-that I knew everything. I have spent these past ten years discovering just how much I still have to learn.

5. Small schools and small towns aren't bad. When I was in high school, I wanted nothing more than to get as far away from this town as possible. Now ten years later, we've moved back here.

6. When we were kids, we didn't have to walk through metal detectors to get into school and kids didn't get in trouble for carrying pocket knives. My goodness how things have changed in ten years.

7. I wish I would have been less afraid to stand up for my faith. People knew that I was a Christian but I am sure that I could have done a better job acting like one.

So...those are my thoughts about high school. Holy crap, time flies...

I love Motherhood

2009-05-29T10:21:00.002-04:00

I have to say that being a mom is the greatest thing that I have ever experienced.I have wanted it for so long! I don't know if it's what I expected. I am not sure what I expected exactly, but it's wonderful. Matty is almost three months old now and I still remain sleep deprived but every time he smiles at me, it makes it all worth it. He's getting to the point where he wants to play now and I love it. He smiles and laughs and my heart melts.

Tub Time!

2009-04-28T17:59:00.002-04:00

Our little boy LOVES the water! We just got him a new tub!

Ahhh, motherhood

2009-04-07T14:51:00.002-04:00

The little man is sleeping so I have decided that I should quickly update my blog sine these opportunities seem to be few and far between. There are so many things that I have learned in this last month. I had so many ideas of what being a mother would be like and now...I am realizing that I had no clue! Here are some of the things that I have recently learned.
1. Boys pee EVERYWHERE!
2. The episiotomy was worse than the delivery.
3. I have never been so in love :)
4. I was so worried about not knowing what to do, but it just comes. It really does.
5. Nursing Matthew has been such an amazing bonding experience.
6. I have never been so sleep deprived or delirious.
7. I really underestimated how much time it takes to take care of a baby. He dictates everything that I do.
8. I never understood why people with kids could never get anywhere on time. I use to think they were just poor planners and then I had Matthew. Last week we were just ready to go out the door and he peed all over his clothes- so I was late! It doesn't matter how early you start getting ready, stuff still happens.

What about you? Have any of you had surprises with motherhood?

Motherhood Has arrived

2009-03-30T13:21:00.005-04:00

Wow...I am a mom. I finally am a mom. I grossly underestimated the shock this would impose on my life! Wow! As evidenced by the fact the the little guy is three weeks old today and I a just now getting to posting about having him! What an amazing ride this has been. When I look into his little face, I still can't believe that I had a part in creating him. Seth and I just stare at Matthew sometimes in utter disbelief.

Well, to go back a little bit...

I went into the hospital at 8am on the 8th to be induced. They started the cytotek to thin my cervix out shortly after I arrived. That medication produced only mild period like cramps. I was able to walk around all morning with little difficulty. At noon, the doctor came in and broke my water. That's when the craziness began. I went from comfortable to crying in pain in less than ten minutes. In fact, the doctor came back in shortly after breaking my water and the baby's heartrate had begun to show signs of distress. It had dipped into the sixties with normal ranging from 120-150 BPM. He immediately order Brethine {sp?}, an IV push medication to slow down my labor. The labor had come on so strongly that the baby wasn't able to tolerate it. They also gave me oxygen. It was really scary. But, the medication worked and Matthew's heartrate stabilized. After that, I was nice and comfortable with my newly placed epidural to reach full dilation. The doctor came in to check me at about ten minutes til six and said, "we are having this baby!" I of course was terrified and unsure if I still wanted to go through with it...He assured me that I would be able to do it and rushed out to get his clothes on for the delivery. He came back in and three contractions later, Matthew was born!

He was 7 pounds 1 ounce and 20 inches long- and he came out screaming!

We went home from the hospital on Tuesday morning. It was so unbelievable to be able to carry a baby out of that place. Seth and I were just beside ourselves.

The first week was a really rough one. I had no idea that recovering from childbirth could be so hard. When I had Mia, she was so little {2.1 pounds} that I didn't need an episiotomy. I wasn't so lucky this time. I was in agony for an entire week. I remember thinking...what have I done? I can't even take care of myself! How am I going to be a mom? I slept, took pain medication and sat on icepacks for a full week before I started to feel better. But amazingly, it got better and it has been totally worth it all.

So, here I am...Matthew is three weeks old and Seth and I can't imagine being without him. Sure, it's a major life change and I do miss sleep-because I get none but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Here are some pictures of him. I will try to post a bit more often than every three weeks, but man...I can't make any promises!

Tomrrow is the big day

2009-03-07T15:05:00.003-05:00

Wow, I can't even believe that tomorrow I am going to be able to hold my little boy. I am so unbelievably overwhelmed that I can't even put it into words. I feel like I have been pregnant forever! And, right now I am pretty darn uncomfortable and miserable. I am scared out of my mind. I never had a chance to be scared with Mia. Everything happened so fast, but with this one, I have had plenty of time to get all freaked out about everything. I think I have read far too much and watched far too many baby shows. That in combination with being a nurse...good grief! I am going gray just thinking about it. Please pray for us! It's going to be a memorable day. Finally we are going to be getting the child that we have longed for for so long!
God is good, isn't He!

Nursery Pictures

2009-02-16T17:26:00.006-05:00

Well, I have finally conceded and decided to work on the nursery. It is finally complete with three weeks to spare!

2009-02-04T14:22:00.003-05:00

Shower Time

2009-02-04T14:17:00.006-05:00

Here are some pictures from my baby Showers! How exciting!

31 weeks

2009-01-13T16:32:00.003-05:00

Well, I went to the doctor today. Matthew is no longer breech! His head is down in my pelvis-which may explain why I constantly feel like I am going to wet my pants! They also had me go for a fetal non stress test which the doctor said looked great as well. I didn't gain any weight this month. I am not sure why. I eat. Maybe it's because I am eating less amounts because of the awful heartburn.I don't know. He did an ultrasound though and he's growing fine. Who knows? As long as he is healthy!

My baby shower is in two weeks. I am so so so excited! Mia died just before I had a shower last time so this will really be very exciting!

Keep praying! I won't relax until I hear cries...

2009-01-05T15:06:00.002-05:00

2009-01-05T14:59:00.001-05:00

29 weeks

2008-12-31T10:10:00.002-05:00

It's hard to believe that I am more pregnant than I have ever been! Yesterday I went to the doctor and had another ultrasound. The baby was kicking the probe the entire time. The doctor was really happy with the activity! He said that I can wait two weeks to come back rather than one! Woo Hoo! Little Matty is breech though. Of course, the doctor told me that we would have to do a c-section if he doesn't flip. I don't care though. As long as I get a healthy baby, I don't care how he gets here! I didn't gain any weight this time when I went. I started the pregnancy weighing 128 and now I weigh 146.8. I have gained just under twenty pounds which is good according to what I have read. The doctor asked me if I had been eating. He apparently doesn't know me! I have been eating everything in site! I just think that I have been so active that I am working it all off!

more house photos!

2008-12-29T20:40:00.003-05:00

These photos are random and are in random order....sorry poor planning on my part. I left out a bunch of rooms because I didn't want it to get too boring! Hope you like our new place!!

House photos

2008-12-29T20:35:00.002-05:00

House photos

2008-12-29T20:32:00.000-05:00

Our new House

2008-12-29T20:25:00.002-05:00

I have been so busy trying to get settled in than I have been really slow to get pictures of the new place up! Tonight I FINALLY took some pictures to give you all an idea of our new house. I didn't take pictures of all the rooms. I really have alot that I still want to change and update. We are both so very thankful and blessed to have been given the opportunity to buy this home. It's beautiful and will be a great place to raise a family!

Happy Birthday Mia

2008-12-29T20:17:00.003-05:00

Well, it was one year ago that I delivered my darling little Mia. It's hard to believe that is has already been a year and that if she would have been breathing, I would have one year of motherhood under my belt and a one year old little girl. Instead I am at much the same place that I was last year at this time, only this year things are looking better, thank the good Lord. Little Matthew is growing well and is really active. I am 29 weeks now. I have finally decided to post a belly shot-I look huge by the way. This whole pregnancy has been so tentative for me that I have been afraid to accept that I am actually really pregnant and this might even result in a live baby. But, the Lord is sustaining me during this fearful time and I have to say my calmness has surprised even me. Tomorrow I go to the doctor again and will have another ultrasound-my fifth or sixth-can't remember. I have to go every week now. I feel like I am there all the time but I guess that's good, right? Please continue to keep Seth and I and little Matthew in your prayers!

Moving day

2008-12-17T15:07:00.002-05:00

Well tomorrow we sign the papers and officially can move into our new home. I am beyond excited. I have never been so ready and although staying with my mom and dad these past weeks has been surprisingly not too bad, a girl needs her own space. A girl as big as me with hormones raging like mine needs her own space. ugh I also need a house with more than one bathroom so when I have to pee, I can. Last night I got up three times to pee. I weighed myself yesterday too. It's the first time I have ever weighed myself and had to lean to the left to see the number. I feel huge but my mom says I am all baby. Of course, I am sure she would never say otherwise. I have gained 20 pounds. I am shooting for under thirty total....hopefully. I went to the doctor's yesterday and had the test for gestational diabetes. It came out fine but my bloodwork came back that I am anemic. It's no wonder I have been feeling like a wet rag these past weeks. So, I am going to be on iron supplements which means more constipation...woo hoo! Otherwise things are going pretty well. I am so darm overwhelmed by everything. Right now I am 27 weeks pregnant and we lost Mia at 28 which totally scares me, we are moving and buying a new house even though we haven't sold our old house. Now, that is scary. No one wants to pay for two houses. I am just praying that after Christmas business picks up and the house generates some interest. Well, once again...like everything that has been happening, it's out of my hands. Well, all...keep praying for us. We need it. I look forward to posting pictures of our new house once we are settled!!

The new Doc

2008-12-08T08:54:00.002-05:00

So, one of the most unpleasant things about moving is the fact that mid pregnancy I have to change doctors. This was especially hard on me because the practice I was with was there during the whole thing with Mia as well as the endometriosis and all that. Changing gynecologists is hard. I never want more people looking down there than are absolutely necessary and now I feel like I have a whole new audience. I went to see this new doctor last week and he seems nice. He was very kind and informative-although difficult to understand which I hate. He wants to see me next week and then in two more weeks. Following that I have to go to the hospital {45 min drive} once a week for an appointment and the to have a fetal non stress test at the hospital. I told the doc that I was going to bring a sleeping bag and sleep under his desk because I am going to be there so much. I guess it's good though. One of my favorite things about this new practice is that there is only one MD for me to see-so I know for sure who will deliver and that he does ultrasounds in the office which is very convenient. With Mia I had an ultrasound at 17 weeks and not again before I lost her at 28 so it was really nice to have an ultrasound at 25 weeks when I was there. It's so comforting to see that everything looks ok. Keep praying as we are quickly approaching the time where we lost Mia. I know that the Lord will see us through this.

Still trusting

2008-11-24T10:23:00.002-05:00

Well, the offer on our house has fallen through. I cried at first because I just felt really hopeful that it would all work out, but I am trusting the Lord and knowing that He is in control and that He has brought us this far, He won't leave us now!Still hanging in there staying with mom and dad. ugh...it's been harder on me than anyone else. I am just miss independence! I keep telling myself that it's a short time! I know that this will all be worth it! God is good and he takes care of his children!

My family

2008-11-17T14:18:00.004-05:00

Here is our most recent family picture-including Matthew's debut...right in my belly!

Stress Stress and more stress

2008-11-17T14:05:00.002-05:00

I never thought this process was going to be easy and to be honest have dreaded it from the go, but I never anticipated the impact of a highly emotional change combined with raging pregnancy hormones. We packed up our home in Ford City and have moved all our worldly possessions into a 20x10 storage unit until we can close on our new home. Initially I thought that I would stay in our house and Seth would just work up here, meeting on the weekends but that was too much for me. My parents and Seth begged me to just stay with them until the closing of our new home and I finally conceded. No one wants to live at home. And while I love my parents, I have been living on my own for ten years. It's not reasonable to rent a place ad move twice for the four-six weeks it's going to take for us to get into our new home so really we don't have any other options. It's just hard to go from living on your own in your own home to being back in your childhood pink bedroom-if only for a few weeks. I am sure that the process is only exacerbated by my hormones which are so unbelievably out of wack. We are approaching the window of time in which we lost Mia which really scares me in combination of trying to tie up loose ends in Ford City and keep life somewhat normal while staying here. I am also trying to continue working while balancing the talks with lawyers and real estate agents to both sell our home and buy the next. Our home in Ford City has received an offer which is wonderful but the home inspection says that the home needs some work-which of course! It's a hundred years old! So, we are working on that and hoping and praying that we can come to some fair agreement that will benefit all parties. I have left my beautiful home office-newly remodeled-and have relocated to my parent's basement. ugh. I keep telling myself that it's only a few weeks and that when we are in our new home this will all be worth it. Keep my sanity it your prayers-those of you who follow this blog. I know that all things work together for our good so I am trying to lean on that.

2008-11-11T11:53:00.001-05:00

The Lord has his hand on us.

2008-11-07T09:42:00.003-05:00

Well, After only four days of being on the mrket, we have an official signed agreement. So pending a home inspection, our house has been sold! It's amazing! I was hoping and praying that our house would sell in three months but the Lord had different plans for us!Our expected closing date is December 18th! He is so good. He exceeds our expectations. Now we just have to pray that the house we are working on getting in Smethport goes through. No worries, right?

Life Just Got REALLY CHAOTIC!

2008-10-31T14:07:00.003-04:00

Seth and I have been praying since I was pregnant with Mia that the Lord would open up a way for us to relocate to be near my parents. This is for several reasons. First of all, my mom and dad don't have any grandkids so we really want to share that with them and secondly because Seth had a great relationship with his grandfathergrowing up and he wants the same for our little one. But, up until now...the answer from the Lord has been no, or wait rather. I had all but given up because nothing was panning out until this past Friday when Seth was offered a new job near where they live.
So, I am pretty much really really overwhelmed. I cried for the first two days because I just really was having a hard time thinking about everything. The thought of leaving all my friends here and my church was just so much. I love this area, but on the other hand I don't feel like I am being fair to my mom and dad by living so far away.
Since we found out, things have been crazy. We have been up north looking for homes and put an offer in on one yesterday. We still don't know if it's accepted. We are also working feverishly to get our home ready to go on the market on Monday.
Please keep us in your prayers during this transition. It's really hard but I know that it's the Lord's Will. My biggest concern is timing. I really don't want to pay for two homes for any length of time. But, I have to know {and this is where Faith comes in} that the Lord led us to where we are and that he will see us through.
Thanks for all your prayers and support!!

It's a BOY!

2008-10-21T11:48:00.003-04:00

Well, Seth and I are always at odds about finding out what we are having. We didn't know Mia was a girl and Seth was convinced that we were going to be surprised with this one as well. But, just before out appointment, he conceded and we decided to find out!

It was quite apparent that we are having a boy and we are so thankful and so excited! I am nearly halfway now and so far everything is going well.I have a doppler at home so I am able to hear the heartbeat regularly which really eases my mind. Although I have to say, I probably will not fully relax until I hear the cries of our little one.

His name is going to be Matthew Charles. Matthew is after my brother and Charles is after Seth's brother. I think it's a good strong name.

So...that's where we are! Please continue to pray for the safety of this child and for the sanity of the one carrying him!

Dogs Behaving Badly.

2008-09-18T12:02:00.000-04:00

Seth and I are dog lovers, although I never use to be. I never got how those pet lovers were so over the top about their pets until we got dogs. Our dogs have been like children and we have been horrible parents! Our dogs behave badly! They have no manners and I am habitually embarrassed by their lack of courtesy with other people and dogs. So, we have decided to take action. We have enrolled them in obedience school. I am so happy that it feels like Christmas. Finally I am going to be able to invite guests and not have to applogize for the dogs over zealous behaviour with company. Yesterday we went to our first class and I was amazed at how well they did. They really seem to want to learn. All along, they have wanted to learn. Seth and I just didn't know how to properly instruct them! Fancy that!

12 weeks

2008-09-04T11:02:00.002-04:00

Well, We have made it to milestone one-12 weeks. It definitely does lend some relief. I am starting to feel a little better as far as the nausea is concerned and my energy level is creeping back up too which is so nice. I am in that weird in between stage with my clothes too-which makes me nuts. My maternity clothes for the most part are too big but my regular clothes are way too tight. Hopefully within the next six weeks or so, I will be able to be fully into my maternity clothes and actually look the part! It's very exciting and yet I remain guarded. My joy and excitement is seeping through from time to time though. I actually allowed myself to look through the closet filled with all the baby things we had for Mia. It made me so excited to think that the Lord has blessed Seth and I with the opportunity to be parents again. He is so good. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we make this journey!

God is Good

2008-08-12T11:02:00.002-04:00

Well, to be honest I really debated about telling anyone about this pregnancy. I thought I could just wear baggy clothes and let people whisper about how I had let myself go. I have just been so fearful. I didn't want to have to tell everyone that I had lost another. But I then decided that so many people hurt with us when we lost Mia. Those people should be able to rejoice with us this time. And, those same people love us and want to be able to stand with us in prayer throughout this pregnancy. And, I stand here today to tell you that I feel those prayers. I am calm and trusting. I can't be sure that everything will be okay, but I can be sure that the Lord hears the prayers of his faithful people and I know that we are being prayed for. Please continue to pray for us. We need every single prayer.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away

2008-07-29T09:43:00.003-04:00

Well, we just finally were able to get Mia's stone placed in the cemetery. I am pleased with how it looks. It's very sombering to be 26 years old and going to the cemetary to see your child. Thankfully, we know she isn't there.

And, ironically, we have some good news, we are PREGNANT AGAIN! This has been completely crazy. Mia was due March 24th and this one is due March 23rd! It's so unbelievable. Yesterday I went and had the ultrasound sound to confirm the pregnancy and we heard the heartbeat. This meant so much because at the last ultrasound, there was no heartbeat.

How am I? I am a total wreck. I want to jump up and down and be so excited because Seth and I have deeply desired this for so long but I am so afraid that something will go wrong. I find myself humming...I've got peace like a river almost constantly to keep me sane. I keep telling myself that the Lord wants good for us and to give us hope and a future {Jeremiah 29:11}. It's just a very emotional time.

Please keep us in your prayers as we pray for a positive outcome with this pregnancy.

update oy my life

2008-06-11T11:09:00.002-04:00

Wow, I haven't posted in a really long time. Things have been hectic to say the least. I have been traveling all over for work. I spent the last two days in Cincinnati and next week and I am in Orlando and then Richmond. I am enjoying it but it's very stressful. I have been stretched so far beyond my comfort zone that's it's unreal. I am sure that down the road, this will come easily. Until then, I press on.

As far as the rest of life, I am pressing on there too. I thought that as time went on things would be easier and easier and in some ways they are, but others aren't. Last Sunday at church I sat behind five or so young mothers-all friends of mine. My husband hadn't arrived yet so I sat alone just watching all of them with their little ones. It didn't take long before my eyes filled with tears. I sometimes think how old Mia would be now and when I see other babies her age I wonder about her. Everyone says my time will come, and I wonder if that's actually true. Initially when we had Mia, I didn't want to be pregnant again, but that has passed and i am really ready. I thought I would be pregnant again by now, but I am not. I am learning to lean on the Lord through this and to remain strong knowing that even though sometimes I feel forgotton, he hasn't forgotton me. I cling to Jeremiah 29:11 everyday.

My marriage is great. My husband is an amazing strength. He is sensitive to me when I am hurting and is very comforting. We continue to grow closer to one another and I thank the Lord for him everyday.

As far as the weight loss thing, yeah it got a little old and I have given in to the ice cream a bit. I currently weight 123 and I guess unless I crack back down on my eating habits, I am going to have to be happy with that.

Something that really ticks me off.

2008-05-12T08:32:00.002-04:00

I only have a few minutes to write but I feel that I have something that I must get off my chest. Today I went to get gas and while I was checking out, there was a girl in front of me who was atleast six to seven months pregnant. She was buying cigarrettes. Ooohh, can I tell you how mad i was? I had half a mind to say something to her. Doesn't she understand how painful it is to lose a child? My child was stillborn and i would sooner die than face that a second time. Smoking increases the risk of low infant birth rate and still birth. I feel smoking during preganacy is completely selfish. YOu are the only protector of your child when that baby is inside you. How can people be so self absorbed? I didn't even breathe second hand smoke when I was preganat and still Mia died. Why would you want to do something that would increase the odds of something horrible happening? Does anyone else feel this way?

weigh in day

2008-05-05T09:41:00.001-04:00

Well, I WEIGHED IN TODAY AT 123.6 That isn't too bad. I am getting there, slowly, but I am getting there. This weekend my mom and I went shopping and I got some new pants. I am now in a solid size four! Now, that's pretty exciting. That means I have dropped two pants sizes!!!! 115 is sounding achievable now isn't it? So, I have lost just a hair under 10 pounds since the beginning of April. I'll take it!

Bikini here I come!

2008-04-28T21:11:00.002-04:00

So, we have been doing our weight loss challenge for one month and I am down 8 pounds! Now, to many, that may not seem like an amount to cheer about, but in the past my weight loss strategies have been unhealthy. I am finally doing it the healthy way. I have banned all junk food and have been working out consistantly five days a week. Seth is also doing well. He has lost thirteen pounds. So, at 125lbs, that means that I am only ten pounds from my goal! I lost two inches this month around my waist and a half an inch from my arms. Good things! I am so excited! All of the pants I bought for my new job no longer fit me. Once I get to my goal, I am buying a bikini...I am I am I am. I have never had a real bikini. I always buy the shorts or something to allow for maximum coverage, but when I hit my goal...watch out because I am buying one. I am going to Florida in June for work. I will buy a bikini for that trip! WOO HOO!

An Irish Incentive

2008-04-21T16:16:00.002-04:00

So, Seth and I have decided that we both really want to lose weight. And, we also decided that we need an incentive to help us to have the desire to strive towards that goal. Losing weight is hard and it takes a long time. It's not something that you can do for a day or two and be done. It's something that you really have to stick with. So, we came up with an incentive plan. First of all, three weeks ago today, we weighed in and took measurements of all areas. We made an excel spreadsheet {how dorky} with all of our stats on it. Each week we weigh in and after one month we are going to remeasure each other. I weigh in for the third time tonight. So far, I have lost almost five pounds. So, to make things interesting we added some incentives. We decided that we wanted to achieve these goals together so we are not competing against one another. We are encouraging one another. The plan is to reach our weight goals within three months. So, we divided our three month goal into a third and if we achieve that, we each get $100. And, here is the exciting thing...if we are able to reach our goals within the time frame set, we are going to go to Ireland this November. I am really excited about this! I hope I did well this week! It makes me nervous. When I started, according to the scale at the gym, I weighed 133LBS. Last week, I weighed 128.8 LBS. It seems that every scale is different, so we are weighing consistently on the same one. I have to end this entry because I am getting ready to go meet my hubby at the gym for my weigh in! I will keep you updated on the progress!

LOVIN' IT!

2008-03-29T14:35:00.002-04:00

So, I just completed week two of the new job and I LOVE IT! I am so thankful to the Lord for this blessing and opportunity to expand. Don't get me wrong, it's not entirely easy and I have been living miles from my comfort zone but, it's so refreshing. I love this new challenge and my goal is to exceed everyone's expectations. They have been excellent with me and so patient. I have been asking an unbelievable amount of questions. I just want to be sure that I am doing everything correctly. So, life is good and God is Good. Everything happens as a part of His plan for the good of those who love Him.

Time off Rocks!

2008-03-13T16:23:00.000-04:00

Well it's Thursday and I have had the entire week off. Talk about much needed time! I have gotton a ton done at home and have been able to spend a ton of time at the gym which is fabulous. Things are starting to feel normal again. I still get sad from time to time, but overall things are going so well. I am so so so psyched to start this new job. I have to admit I am maybe a tad bit nervous {don't tell anyone...}. I can't wait until Monday. God is so good and I feel like my life is coming alive again just like the seasons changing. I hear the birds chirping outside and I feel it in my soul.

What's new with me

2008-03-09T19:14:00.003-04:00

Well, I have been wanting to make a nice long entry about how things have been going but my lousy computer has had a bunch of nasty viruses making getting online very slow and difficult. Seth and I got an updated virus protector and now I am virus free and free to blog again! AMEN! So, things are going really well. I can now say without reservation that I am finally happy again. I don't cry everyday or even that often anymore. Mia's due date is coming up and I am so excited to have that day come and go. Finally I will be able to completely move on instead of thinking, I would be 38 weeks right now or I would have quit my job by now and on and on and on. Soon the other girls who I was pregnant with will have their babies and I won't have to feel awkward around them because we no longer share something so special. I am actually good with everything though. I really thought this would destroy me, but God is so much bigger than anything that life can throw at you. This new job opportunity came as a total shock. I wasn't looking to leave my current job but the new opportunity just excites me beyond what I can even express. I wish I was starting tomorrow in a way. It's like I am sad that I have a week off. It's good though because I will get the chance to get alot done around the house that I haven't been able to get done lately. Physically I am feeling so good. I weighed myself on Friday and I weighed in at 130.2 lbs. I weighed 129 when I got pregnant. So, I am only a hair off of the pre-pregnancy weight. I have completely changed my eating habits and you can't even believe the difference in how I feel. I guess there is something to that old adage "garbage in garbage out." I am going to bust my butt at the gym this week because I will have the time to do it. I fully expect to get to my goal weight by the time my family goes on vacation in May {you know, the whole bathing suit thing and extra rolls of skin don't exactly coincide}. So, surprisingly I am not in a rush to get pregnant again. I definitely want to have children, but it will comes when the Lord wants it to. We aren't preventing or trying. Last time we "tried" for a year before I got pregnant with Mia. I am not about to start calculating my ovulation and recording my temperature. Oh no...that can consume you before you even know it. I just want to throw myself into this new job and completely blow my new employer's expectations. I always seem to want to be the best at everything I do and this is no exception. You can thank my dad for that. So, yeah...we are doing well. Our marriage is strong and God is good.

2008-03-09T14:02:00.002-04:00

Wow, changes are happening. I was offered a new job and after much much thought and prayer, I have decided to change careers. So, after more than four years at my current job, I resigned. That was a crazy gamut of emotions. It's hard to change, but when an awesome opportunity presents itself, you have to think with your head and do what is best for you and your family. So, I am leaving the scrubs behind for the suits and heels. I am so unbelievably excited to take on this new challenge. I have this coming week off and then next week I start the new job!

Weekend Fun

2008-02-24T16:06:00.007-05:00

Well We just got back from spending the weekend at Stonewall Resort in West Virginia.We had a great time. I got a lovely massage and we went to a Murder Mystery Dinner. It was so neat. This was the first time that Seth and I had ever been to something like this. Here is how it works. You are in this huge ballroom seated at tables of ten {we only knew each other}. The cast performs a play while you eat dinner. During the play, someone gets murdered and it's up to the audience to figure out who did it, how they did it and what their motive was. After the play, each table chose a chief investigator who was allowed to search the crime scene. Seth had this job and you can see him looking through everything in the pictures. We all them were told to formulate one question for one of the suspects. Finally we were all moved to another room for a dessert reception where we found out who did it! It was so much fun. It was awesome to get away to spend time together. Time away really strengthens a marriage!

2008 is going to be great!

2008-02-17T18:37:00.004-05:00

Wow. God is awesome. His hand is in all aspects of life. Yesterday Seth and I were at the mall and I ran into Jill, my midwife, who has just been an amazing support throughout everything. Seth and I had considered not going back to Armstrong Hospital after everything happened with Mia because of a number of things that didn't go well. One of the biggest problems we had was that Husbands have not been allowed to go back into the room with their wives initially during an ultrasound. This was horrific for us because I found out the Mia had died alone without my greatest support, Seth. We both feel that a husband should be involved in all aspects of a pregnancy and an ultrasound should be no different. I spoke at length to a couple of people about this. Jill has been struggling with this policy and the cooperation of the radiology dept. for quite some time. And it turns out, after my ordeal, that they are going to change the policy so husbands/significant others can be present during ultrasounds. I can't tell you what a victory this is. I can't imagine someone else having to go through the same thing I did.
So, Seth and I are going away this coming weekend and I am so excited. We are going to a resort in West Virginia. And, I am getting a massage baby! I can't wait. We are going to have the greatest time. It will be wonderful to get away and just enjoy one another. I might get a pedicure too. Who even knows?
I have decided that this year is going to be great. I feel like God is working awesome things for Seth and I and that we are going to be blessed for remaining faithful to Him during a very difficult time. We are blessed to have the Lord and He gives us so much more than we deserve.
So, I say this...smile, laugh and embrace life because God gives us a life of abundance in Him!

leave well enough alone

2008-02-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

Well, I went to my follow up appointment and was not surprised to find out that they were unable to detect any reason for Mia's death. I combed through all thirty pages of her autopsy looking deperately for an answer. The nurse in me wants to understand the "why". I suppose I need to come to terms with the fact that I will never know exactly what happened to her. I feel like I am just floundering through life, plagued by grief from something I will never understand. I am not depressed, just directionless. I don't know what to do now. I have to sit back and reevaluate my plans. It's like my world has exploded and I am left to gather the fragments. The problem is, all the pieces aren't there. It's like when you try to complete a puzzle just to find out that several of the pieces have been lost. The puzzle just doesn't look right. I suppose in time life will make sense again. The Doctors say that physically I am doing well and that we are safe to try again. We are going to try again and hope that this next pregnancy is going to give us what we have longed for so long. I know that God has something good in store for Seth and I. And, I know that he will help us press on through this time. I am so thankful that we are doing well though. What has happened is devastating, but we have strong desires to go on through this. I am confident that God will give us the continued strength to move forward. The only reason that we are doing as well as we are is because the Lord has sustained us.

moving on

2008-01-29T20:02:00.000-05:00

Well tomorrow I go to my OBGYN for a follow up appointment. I have very mixed feelings about it. Sitting in the waiting room will be a whole new experience for me. I won't be thumbing through new parenting magazines looking for tips or exchanging empathetic glances with other expectant mothers. No, I will be on the outside. I was thinking today about whether I would erase the last eight months of my life if I could. And, I don't know. I want to say "she" was worth it, but I don't feel like I even got the chance to get to know her. It's like she's only someone I once knew. It's crazy how you can love someone so much that you haven't even really met. I feel like I got ripped off. Part of me wants to say, why me? I am young and healthy. My husband and I have a great marriage and we are financially capable of taking care of a baby. But, I can't be caught playing that dangerous game. I just have to know that we all have an appointed time to die. God has big plans for Mia with Him. I was praying today to the Lord and I asked him to let Mia know just how much I love her. I feel sad that I never got to tell her. I wanted to tell her how much she was wanted. I will be so glad when this doesn't hurt so badly. So, statistics say that we will be able to have another baby. 98% of woman who have stillborns go on to have healthy children. Also, the odds of us finding out what happened to her are not great. 75% stillborns have no known cause and of the 25% that are known, a large percentage of them are related to cord injuries which was not the case with Mia. So, that pretty much leaves me in a position to do nothing. We just have to sit back and heal. We just have to know that we aren't in control and trust God though the pain. We will probably never know and this will probably never make sense. -

Living again

2008-01-24T16:45:00.001-05:00

Well, today is Thursday and Saturday will be one month since I gave birth to our beautiful little girl. It seems like the girl who gave birth or was pregnant was someone else. I know it was me, but I feel like it was someone else. It's such a crazy blur. Life has moved on and the world still turns. It's really unbelievable and surreal. I don't cry everyday anymore. Yet, my heart is still broken. I expect that it will take some time to feel normal again. Seth and I are the closest that we have ever been. I think we are closer than when we got married, if that is possible. I love him more than I thought I ever could love anyone. We decided when Mia died, we wanted to do something as a couple to commemorate her and give glory to the Lord. So, we got her footprints tattooed {mine on my lower leg and Seth's on his back calf} with Job 1:21. That verse captures the very essence of what has happened. It says
"Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

This tattoo is something very special that Seth and I can share in Mia's memory. Otherwise, things are going okay. I go back to the Doctor next week and I am hoping that they can shed some light on the reasoning behind this. If not, that's okay too. I know that the Lord has allowed this to happen for a reason and we trust Him. This whole experience has deepened my relationship with the Lord and trust in the Lord. We continue to cling to Him because He is our rock. He is the only thing that can get you through something that hurts so much.

brighter days

2008-01-09T19:11:00.000-05:00

As time has slowly begun to pass, my head is slightly less foggy and I have really had a chance to begin to reflect. I can't even express my gratitude to all of the people who have been there for Seth and I. I feel as though we have been carried by the prayers of all who know and care about us. I bet we received 50 cards in the mail and some were from people I don't even know. Tonight a lady from my church who I don't even know showed up at the door with food and a tear in her eye saying how sorry she was for us. At work people have been taking turns coming into my office to cry and tell me that they are horribly sorry. All of this doesn't bring my beautiful little girl back, but it helps to know that you are loved. And sometimes I think the Lord gives us people in our lives as beautiful gifts. It's almost like since the Lord can't give us a physical hug, He sends His love through other people. I know that Seth and I are going to be okay. With each new day I know it. I have come to a point where I don't question the Lord. I just know that He knows what is best and that His will is to see good things for Seth and I. And while I am convinced that I will never know or understand why this happened, I trust the Lord. I know that somehow something good will come out of this. It still hurts. I even started to cry while watching a baby on TV tonight. But, that is okay. It's going to hurt for a while. But all the while, God will be there to guide us through it.

pressing on

2008-01-06T13:50:00.000-05:00

We went to church today and it was just a bundle of emotions. I sobbed through all of the worship and with every sigh and hug. Still though I felt the hand of the Lord through it all. Friday Seth and I went shopping and we bought a beautiful wooden chest with brass fixtures to put all we have of our little girl in. In it we put the cards we have received, the little dress she wore, her footprints and the ultrasound video. It's such a sweet way to remember her. Yesterday I went back to the gym. I know it's only been a week, but the Lord has been good and my body felt ready. Tuesday I am going to try to go back to work. I know it won't be easy and I have made it clear to my employer that if I need to leave, I will. I just can't become part of the couch. Believe me, I would like to sometimes though. I talked with a lady who had a still born. She said that she got pregnant two months after she lost her first. I pray that for Seth and I. I just want to feel life again. I keep dreaming about all of this at night. It's like my body is confused. One minute I am nurturing a little soul and the next, she's gone. I look forward to the day that I can look at all this and not hurt. Seth and I started doing devotions together at night and praying together. I am embarrassed to say that we were not faithful with this before. We both just want to be united and strong in our faith. We want this to grow our marriage and our love for the Lord and not cause division. So, one more day has passed and still we breathe on. In situations like this, just breathing is a triumph. It's already the sixth of January. Before long, this will be a distant memory in everyone's mind and I will be known as the girl who lost a baby...

Looking Upward

2008-01-03T20:00:00.000-05:00

Well, the services are finally over and I feel an overwhelming sense of relief. Somehow, I feel like Seth and I can start trying to live again. I know my beautiful little girl is safe in the arms of Jesus. And although we don't understand why this has happened, we trust our Lord. My mom and dad just left and it was really emotional for me. They have been such a source of strength. But, Seth and I will finally have a chance to spend time together, just us, which we really need. My parents have been such an amazing support system through all of this, but the time has come for them to go home and for Seth and I to start trying to live again. I feel an overwhelming sense of peace. I am ready for the future and even though I know that there will be times that really hurt, I want to live. I still feel teary and I know the road ahead will be tough but we don't walk it alone.

Still breathing

2008-01-02T10:23:00.001-05:00

Well, I guess for me, this blog is more therapeutic than anything and that's why I have chosen to use it as a means to spew out all of my emotions. Sometimes it's hard to really put words to how you are feeling though. So, it's been a few days. I can't really say how many because it has all run together like a haze. My mom and dad have been here and thank the Lord for them. They, as well as my wonderful husband, have been the support system that I have needed to keep afloat during this. Right now I feel very numb. I have done my best to avoid all contact with people I know and even avoid all phone calls too at first. It's just so hard to keep reliving that day. Tomorrow is the memorial service and I don't want to go. It is graveside and the cold wintry air will be a sick sense of the death that I have been living with. I don't want to see the people who are going to be there even though I know that they love me. My grandma, who's name is Jacqueline, will be there and I sit here tears streaming down my face thinking about her during this. I chose that name to pay tribute to her in life. I know that after tomorrow, Seth and I will be able to start putting together the pieces of our shattered plans. Still memories lurk around every corner and somehow I am going to have to learn to move past that. We went to Wal-mart and I was avoiding people like mad just because I was afraid that someone might ask me where the baby was. I know it will happen and I have to be ready for it, but it's just so hard.
I thought once the delivery was over that my body would start to heal. No one told me that the worst was yet to come. I guess since I have never had a child, I had no idea what it would feel like to have my milk come in. Two days ago I was standing in the shower looking at my engorged red breasts and saying...don't you know, there is no baby? I felt like some how the Lord should spare me that pain or that somehow my body should know that it didn't need to make milk. So, I have spent the last three days, bound up, on ice and an emotional basket case. I want them to go down so that I can stop looking at my body as a constant reminded of the loss.
Seth and I are leaning on each other more than ever. He's is strong for me although I have seen glimmers in his eyes on many occasions that have given me a glimpse into the hurt he is feeling too. We decided that we have to hold tight to one another and hold tight to the Lord or we will find ourselves bitter and angry twenty years down the road. We have all met people who have wasted their lives consumed by bitterness from something that happened in their lives that seemed unjustified. This hurts more than anything has ever hurt but we can't live in the pain forever. We have to know that we will make it.
Thank you for all your kind words and prayers. I am sorry that I can't talk to everyone right now. I will, I promise. I just feel like I need to get a handle on things first. This isn't an occasion that lends itself to alot of words anyway. If I can ask anything though, I would beg of you all to pray for Seth and I. We desperately want to have children. Please pray that the Lord would heal my body and that we, together, can move on and start a family when the Lord sees fit.

Our angel has taken Flight

2007-12-30T11:41:00.000-05:00

On Friday December 28th, my official day to turn seven months pregnant, I woke up in the morning and wasn't feeling the normal amount of fetal activity that I was use to. We went to the Doctor and they sent us to the hospital where they confirmed that our baby had died. I was in the dark ultrasound room and the Radiologist came in to tell me. I has never whaled so loud in my life. They wouldn't let Seth come in with me for the ultrasound so he found out from hearing my crying down the hall. I have never felt such hurt.
Because the baby was actually at the age of viability, they said I had to be induced to deliver. So, I was taken up to labor and delivery with all of the other expectant mothers to deliver my baby. At five am on Saturday the 29th, Mia Jacqueline Linderman was born. She looked perfect. She had ten fingers and ten toes. She had a little bit of hair. They let us hold her and look at her before they took her away.
I have never felt so lost in my whole life. It's like I am just existing. I was laying in bed with my husband last night, crying and asking him when this would stop hurting and he said that it will probably hurt for the rest of our lives. I guess there is nothing that can be compared to the loss of a child. I just don't feel like I know how to start over.
With that being said, I am thankful that our little angel is in heaven in the arms of the Lord. Seth said that he can't imagine how amazing it would be to have the first person you see be the Lord. She is so blessed. I know that the Lord will see us through this time. And while right now, I feel like I can't see past the hurt or even begin to think about tomorrow, there will come a time when we do and when we might even laugh again.
For those of you who have already become aware of this, thank you for your continued prayers. At this time, I really don't feel much like going out or talking to anyone, but you can call the house and Seth will be happy to talk to you. Our God is good and he is here with Seth and I through this. It's the worst thing we have ever gone through, but we will make it.

6 months and bigger by the day

2007-12-02T13:31:00.000-05:00

Well, I am 6 months along and every time my husband takes my picture, I can't believe that my stomach has gotton even bigger!

Half way home!

2007-11-04T19:08:00.000-05:00

Well I am finally half way there. 20 weeks! I am really enjoying my pregnancy overall. I got on the scale at the doctor's office and I have gained 11 lbs...ugh. It's part of the process though. I hope it comes of quickly after the little one is born. Here is a picture of our little one and of my latest belly shot...wow, you can really see a difference from the last one!

somersault kid!

2007-11-02T20:10:00.000-04:00

I have decided what my favorite thing about pregnancy is. I love to feel the baby move. This past week, all of the sudden, I can feel the little one moving all around! It is amazing! I can't wait until I can hold the baby in my arms. It's sometimes hard to fathom that I could have a little person growing inside of me, but when I feel it move, it really seems real! It's so exciting! Seth is going to take my picture tomorrow and I them I can post my belly so you can all see how it is growing. Man, I feel like I am getting bigger every day! WOW! God is so good and I feel so blessed!

18 weeks!

2007-10-22T19:46:00.000-04:00

Wow, I gues time has really passed since I have last posted about my pregnancy. Things have been so busy and I have been feeling so good that I guess I haven't had the time. It's amazing how good you feel during the second trimester. Today I had my second ultrasound and it ws so exciting. Seth and I saw two arms, two legs, the heart...everything. It was so neat. I have felt the baby moving a little, but not too much. During the ultrasound, the tech was having hard time even getting the heartbeat because the baby wouldn't hold still. I can't wait until I can feel every move. We had our chance to find out what we are having, but we decided that we want to wait. For a moment, I just wanted to say...TELL ME! But, I held my tongue because my husband is dead set on us being surprised. I guess it will be better that way. Don't get me wrong though, during the entire ultrasound, I was looking for an extra little something. The little thing just wouldn't open up its legs. Maybe that's because it's a lady....hmmmm I don't know! But, the Lord is good and even though we have alot of things to take care of before the little one comes, it's in His hands and every day I am learning to lean on him more!

Light up Night

2007-10-22T19:41:00.001-04:00

After my family left from our weekend together and the sun went down, the pumpkins came out and they were spectacular!

Family TIME!

2007-10-22T18:16:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was fabulous! My mom, dad, brother and sister in law were able to come and spend an entire weekend with my husband and I at our home. We had so much fun. Here is a little sample of the fun we had on Sunday afternoon when we carved pumpkins. My mom and dad even got me a little pumpkin for the baby! How sweet!

completely thankful

2007-10-01T20:01:00.000-04:00

Did you ever have a moment in your life when you are just thankful, plain and simple? Sometimes I think that we {or should I say I} get caught up in the trouble and turmoil of everyday life and lose sight of everything that God is doing. Sometimes life gets so busy that we truly lose the everyday joys. Today I talked to my friend Amy who just found out the AMAZING news that she is pregnant. I can't tell you how thankful I am. Amy and her husband tried for seven years for their first child and it took them seven years and several miscarriages to get pregnant with this one {she is finally out of her first trimester.} She has cried and cried for years for another baby and finally the Lord has given her and her husband this gift. I can't imagine the pain of losing child{ren} to a miscarriage. I can't imagine the pain of trying for seven years to get pregnant. My husband and I tried a year and it felt like ten. She is so brave. And, through all of this, she and her husband stood firm in their faith and trusted the Lord. The Lord is so good and I am so thankful for His answer to prayer!!!!!

13 weeks

2007-09-13T20:08:00.000-04:00

Well, I thought that when I found out I was pregnant that I would post every week, but I guess I am realizing that would be alot of posts and well, no one really cares or really even reads this...so why bother? It's okay though because I do this for me, so that I have a record of how I was feeling during my first pregnancy.

So, I am really feeling pretty good these days. I am back to exercising four to five days a week which is nice. The morning nausea/vomitting is a thing of the past! Thank God. I went to the Doctor at the beginning of the month and got to hear the heartbeat with a dopplar which was really exciting.

I started my registry at Target. I was going to do Babies R us, but when I saw the prices, I decided that Target would be the economical choice. So my mom and I went and looked and I was able to hopefully register for all I need. Not like I really know what I need... I am still going to register at Walmart for some things as well. Man, talk about overwhelming.

You know, people amaze me. I can't begin to tell you some of the things that people have said to me since I have been pregnant that I have been like....wow, I can't believe that you just said that. For example:
"I am sure your belly has always been that fat. You are just sticking it out because you are pregnant."
"Your butt is getting bigger."
"Don't mind her, it's just her hormones."
"I hear you are knocked up."
"I gained 88 pounds with my first kid and I still have forty of it and she is fifteen!"
"You wait until your hair falls out!"

I will tell you what, I can not believe that people say the things they do. And by the way, I am not "KNOCKED UP." Knocked up would be a teenager sleeping with a married man or something like that. I am a married woman who is pregnant with her first much wanted child. And furthermore, my butt is not bigger. I can still put on my size 5-6 jeans. They fit my butt. It's my belly they no longer cover. And the hormone comment, I don't even want to go there. I know my hormones are wacky. I can't help that and certainly saying it all the time doesn't make me feel any better. I am not mad about these things that were said because I know that people in general lack sensitivity about how a pregnant woman may feel, but man sometimes I just sigh and wonder how people have the nerve to say the things they do

10.5 and counting

2007-08-29T19:06:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am...almost week eleven. I am so excited about beginning my second trimester. I guess that's when you get your energy back and your appetite! woo hoo! I am looking forward to actually "showing". I just look a little chubby now and people don't think I am pregnant just leaning a little heavy on the little debbies. This is such a nervous and exciting time. I have spent hours and hours praying, lifting all my cares to the Lord. Isn't it wonderful that He cares about our every concern? He know all my worries and I have been giving them all to Him every day in prayer. So many things to think about...wow. It's kinda overwhelming. I see babies and just can't wait to hold my own. It doesn't even seem real. So, I have been feeling pretty good these past few days. It seems that I am getting out of the major nausea which is lovely. I am still really moody, but I can't help that much. I just keep telling people I know that I am moody and I appologize. I don't mean to be that way but my mood changes at the flip of a switch. It's nuts. So, otherwise...things are going smoothly, I guess. The Lord is so good. He gives us far more than we deserve!!

plugging along!

2007-08-19T17:06:00.000-04:00

So, onward and upward. So far things are going well. I am starting my third month, week nine! This week has been a crazy one. My birthday was Friday, but I had such a miserable day that I didn't even care. I was just an emotional wreck. I had cramps all morning and I was crying, convinced that I was having a miscarriage. Come to find out, week nine is when the uterus really starts to stretch and as long as your cramping is not accompanied with bleeding, you are okay. I wish someone would have told me this stuff. I had myself so worked up. Hormones are a crazy crazy force. Pregnancy is like PMS times a thousand. Otherwise, I am feeling pretty well. I am exhausted which is typical. I only threw up once and have been munching on crackers before getting up which has really done the trick. I still get nauseated but I haven't been vomitting. Praise the Lord. My husband has really been getting a kick out of me. He hears my alarm go off at five am and then a bunch of little munching. He said I sound like a little mouse. I told him I would rather munch and sound like a mouse than throw up!
Seth is really getting excited which is so fun to see. We went to babies R us to browse around last night. It was wild. We need alot of stuff. And, I don't even know all of the stuff we really need! I mean, I know the basics but they have so much out there. It was really overwhelming. We were walking around in there and seeing all of the babies. It makes me so excited. I can't wait until I can hold our baby. So much to think about!
I am so thankful to the Lord for this gift. I feel so undeserving. The Lord is so gracious that He loves us and gives us what we do not deserve. We are so blessed. I can't thank Him enough.

morning sickness here I come!

2007-08-13T18:56:00.000-04:00

I thought I might be one of the lucky ones who didn't throw up with her pregnancy. I was nauseated for a few weeks but then this morning the tide turned. I was getting ready for work this morning and all of the sudden I got really hot and sweaty. I went outside to get some air and before I knew it, I was throwing up in the back yard. Lovely.

Still kicking

2007-08-12T17:18:00.000-04:00

This last week has been an exciting and nerve racking one. Tuesday we had our first MD appointment. They confirmed that I was pregnant and ordered an ultrasound and some lab work. As I have been nervous about miscarriage, I asked my Doctor about it and she said that once I hear a heartbeat on the ultrasound, the risk of miscarriage drops to about 5%. Well, that made waiting for the ultrasound even harder and even scarier! I scheduled it for Thursday. Seth met me there and they took me in and, A HEARTBEAT!! A STRONG HEARTBEAT! Seth and I cried tears of joy. I am worrying much less now. The lady who did the ultrasound said that everything looked good and that I am eight weeks along and my due date is March 24. Wow! How exciting! I go back to the doctor in one month.

Seth and I traveled to my home town this weekend to share our exciting news with my family. I wanted to tell my mom and dad earlier, but this is so important to them that I wanted to be there in person to see their faces when they heard the news.

I wrapped up my preganany test in a jewelry box and gave it to my mom as a birthday gift with some other things. She opened it up and was completely speechless! She looked up at me in disbelief and said "Are you serious? Is this a joke?" Once it sunk it, she and my dad were overjoyed. We had the video of the ultrasound so they were able to hear the heartbeat too. It was such a special time for us to share together. It's their first grandbaby!

Seth and I are so thankful to the Lord for His blessing us with a baby. I still can't believe that it is for real and probably won't until I hold "her" in my arms. I say "her" because I am convinced it's a girl. Seth of course is convinced it is a boy as is the rest of my family. We are going to be surprised so no one will know until the end of march! I don't know how I am going to be able to wait! I really don't care if it's a girl or boy though. I just want a healthy baby.

change change change

2007-08-04T10:50:00.001-04:00

Well....just as I said, Seth and I sold our bikes and our cavalier and traded them in on a larger safer car. It's a Monte Carlo. It's nice and I like it, but getting rid of my bike was so hard! I am really going to miss riding with my husband, parents and brother. It is all worth it though. I need to do everything I can to protect this little baby in my belly.

So, it's been a week since my last post and I know more than ever {not that I was doubting} that I am pregnant. I have never felt so sick in my whole life! Let me tell you, in case you didn't know, I love to eat! I enjoy eating. I love going out to restaurants etc etc etc...well, not now! The thought of food makes me gag. I am nauseated thoughout most of the day. I am completely exhausted. The other night I went to bed at eight! Wow, what a whirlwind of changes. It's good though because so far all of the symptoms I have are normal. I haven't had any severe cramping or bleeding which is a relief. I am counting down the days until my Dr. appointment. It is Tues. I will have a greater idea of exactly where I am and how the baby is doing then. According to what I have read, I am seven weeks along right now. But, we will see for sure on Tues.

I am pretty excited about this coming weekend. We are going to my mom and dad's house up north and will tell them our exciting news. We wanted to tell them in person, and it is even more exciting because my brother, his wife and my grandparents will be there as well! I can't wait! It's so hard not to spill it everytime I talk to my mom. I just have to see the look on her face for myself!

So, keep praying...so far so good. I can't thank the Lord enough for this gift. I was beginning to think we were not going to be able to get pregnant. The Lord is so good!!!

Trading the bike for the bassinet....

2007-07-28T18:26:00.000-04:00

Well, it has finally happened! My husband and I are expecting our first baby. It hasn't really sunk in yet and to be completely honest, I am a little nervous about broadcasting the news quite so early. I think I will feel better after the first trimester is over. The thought of something going wrong and me miscarrying is very very frightening, especially it's been over a year since we have been working on starting a family. But, I am trusting the Lord and really working to let Him take care of the situation. So, I thought that I would blog the next eight months about how things are going and exactly how my body is changing. It will be a nice way to memorialize my first pregnancy and maybe get advice from those of you who have done this sort of thing before.

So according to my calculations, I am about 5-6 weeks along. The sperm and ovum should have implated into my uterine lining at about two weeks. I am now in what is referred to as the embryonic period. It's a time of major structural development and growth that continues until two months after conception. So, how am I feeling? Wow...I feel like I am living in someone else's body. I have no clue what is going on with me. My breasts feel like they have doubled in size and could burst at any minute. I feel nauseated most of the day but haven't thrown up yet, thank the Lord. I am exhausted and really have to push myself to get to the gym to workout. My mood is pretty unpredictable. One minute I feel pleasant and the next I could cry. Wow...hormones are crazy!

I would say that I will feel alot easier about the situation once I get to the doctor. My appointment is a little over a week away. It feels like it's an eternity. I just want to go there and have her say that everything is normal and looks good. It's hard when you are pregnant for the first time because you don't know what is normal. I just want to do everything possible to keep Seth's and my baby safe.

So, we haven't told my mom and dad yet. They are going to be so excited, but we want to do it in person rather than over the phone sometime after my appointment. We are working on a clever way to tell them. This will be their first grandchild and let me tell you, they have been after Seth and I to have a baby since we walked down the aisle five years ago! I can't wait to tell them but we really want it to be special.

So one final thing before I post this. I titled this post "Trading the bike for the bassinet." and we are doing just that. Seth and I are trading our bikes in on a car this coming week. I haven't ridden since I found out I was pregnant. I don't feel that it would be fair to place the baby in harm's way like that. So, I will miss my bike. But, the gift of a baby is far far sweeter.

What is yours?

2007-07-15T11:35:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I like to make posts about me personally as to what is happenening in my life. However, I was thinking of something that would be funny to find out from all of you. This should hopefully allow for some fun conversation.

What is your biggest pet peeve?

Now, I know many of us have several things that drive us crazy...tailgaters, people in the 12 item line with 20 items and so on....but the thing about this is, you can only give ONE!

I have to say, after much thought, my biggest pet peeve is people who don't take down their Christmas decorations. It so crazy to me to see those long dangling lights hanging off the porch in July. What is even worse is when those lights are beside decorations for the Fourth of July. I have seen lawns with decorations for five or six holidays!

So, there is what drives me crazy. What drives you crazy?

July 12, 2007 Happy Anniversary

2007-07-11T20:15:00.000-04:00

Well Seth and I have made it five beautiful years! It is hard to believe just how time flies and just how much God has blessed the first five years of our marriage. I married a wonderful, kind, strong Christian man who believes in me and cares for me. I thank the Lord everyday for him. He is the spiritual leader of our family. Having a good marriage seems to be a rarity in today's age so I am thankful for the blessing that the Lord has given us. So, Happy five year anniversary! I look forward to the next fifty!

July 12 is also a special day because it is my mom and dad's wedding anniversary. We got married on the same day to honor them. So happy 27th anniversary mom and dad! I love you!

CONVICTED!

2007-07-08T12:22:00.000-04:00

Something to think about...

Do you ever sit in church on Sunday and breath a sign of relief because you don't feel guilty about the specific issue that the Pastor is speaking about? My husband and I always joke about how nice those Sundays are because you leave Church not feeling like you have some major work to do. For instance, I love when the pastor speaks about tithing because Seth and I do it, so we aren't convicted.
This Sunday was not one of those Sundays. Pastor Mike talked about having a real, deep burning desire for the Lord and how we tend to focus on the small things in life when the Lord wants to give us so much more. He used the example of a little four year old boy who was given a large bowl of diamonds but was hungry and threw the diamonds away for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He didn't see the value in the diamonds and traded them for something far less valuable. We do that in our Christian lives by peppering the Lord with our requests and failing to ask for a burning desire for Him. He also talked about "fox hole conversions" where we only go to the Lord when we have a major need, following our prayer for rescue with empty promises to do something big for the Lord once He helps us out of the mess we are in.
Alot of what Pastor Mike talked about this Sunday is me. I wonder why I often lack joy in life, yet I continually fail to fully and whole heartily seek out the only one who gives joy. I feel sometimes that I am sad because my husband and I have not been able to get pregnant and find myself often on my knees begging the Lord to please please bless us with a baby. In some ways, I have fooled myself into thinking that life will be perfect if I just have a baby. I continually focus on the issue of having a baby and focus less on the God who controls all things and works all things together for my good.
Man, I hate convictions. Today was a real eye opener for me. Chances are, I will feel more fulfilled and satisfied if I pour all of my worries and concerns into growing into a deeper more intimate relationship with the Lord. I think I need to start that by committing that I am going to spend thirty minutes a day with the Lord, no excuses. I get so busy that time runs out and I am tired and yada yada yada......I just need to make the commitment and move forward to growing closer to the Lord. So, wish me luck. Here's to right priorities and joyful living!

a tisket a tasket

2007-06-23T16:08:00.000-04:00

Today I went to a "tea". Now before going to Harvest Community Church, I had never heard of a "tea" but what an amazing time! Gayla was kind enough to invite all those ladies who helped plan the Women's retreat at our church to a lovely tea at her home. We ate from china and real silver! It was a fabulous time to get together and fellowship with some of my favorite ladies! We had a chance to discuss next year's retreat and have already thought of a theme! How exciting!I thought it was particularly amusing that I drove my bike to the tea. Should one drive a motorcycle to a tea? Someone in England is going to spit on me for that one! Well, we all thought it was kinda funny so Gayla insisted I have my photo taken on the bike with a dainty little teacup.

had a bad day...

2007-06-18T19:28:00.000-04:00

Did you ever have one of those days? I know that tortures a cliche' but man, was today one of those days. To start it was Monday morning {which always takes a measure of grace to get going} and I woke up and got my period. Well, that's really no big deal to most, but when you are trying so desperately to get pregnant, that means another disappointing month and another month of trying. So, that started things off just right. I left my house a 6:05am and it generally takes me 25-30 minutes to get to work, but today since PennDot just embarked on a new fix the road adventure {closing ten miles of road to do one mile of work} , I got to work at 7:15am...late. I got to work to find that I had an enormous workload today because I am covering for a friend while on vacation. So, yeah I spent the day treading water trying to figure out exactly what I need to do for my co-worker while she is off. It all got topped of by getting caught in a rain storm on my motorcycle. So yeah, I was pretty grumpy today. And, I am so glad that Monday is over because Tuesday can only get better. I spent the day seconds away from tears or from eating the face off of everyone that came within three feet of me, but now as I sit in the silence of the evening, it doesn't seem so bad. Everyone has bad days. Thankfully, mine are few and far between. And, thankfully, just because I have a bad day doesn't mean that God loves me any less. And, I think that it helps you to appreciate the good days too. So, here's to having a bad day.So, what am I going to do now? Well, pie and icecream and a warm foot bath with lots of bubbles....that always make things better.....

2007-06-10T17:36:00.000-04:00

This is my mom and I with my motorcycle!

Isn't it fabulous?

Mama Motorcycle

2007-06-10T17:25:00.001-04:00

Have you ever felt like you were given a reality check? One month ago, I had a major reality check. I was eating dinner at a restaurant in downtown Pittsburgh and my cell phone rang. It was my dad and he called to tell me that my mom was in a car accident. I was horrified and my husband and I got in the car and made the three hour trip home to be with her in the hospital. She had fallen asleep at the wheel on her way home from work and totaled the car. If you could see the car, you would be amazed that anyone survived the wreck. She escaped the crash with a compression fracture of the spine which was surgically repaired one week after the accident. The Lord had His mighty hand on my mom that day. And, even though we were thankful that she was alive and with us, my dad was afraid that he was going to have to sell their motorcycle because she wouldn't be able to ride with her back injury. Well, let me tell you, my mom is an amazing strong woman. She is able to ride and this weekend she and my dad drove down here to the Days of Thunder Motorcycle rally. What a blessing! The Lord not only saved her life but allowed her to continue to ride which she loves so much. Here is the picture of my mom and dad when they arrived at my house on their Harley!

Praise the Lord

2007-06-10T17:00:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I have a hard time being thankful. I don't know why, but it seems like society conditions us to be unthankful and dissatisfied with the things that have happened in our lives. Unfortunately sometimes I fall into the rut of comparing myself and my life to others and I get caught having some ridiculous inner dialogue that goes something like this "...well if I had that I would be happy, or If I looked like her I would be satisfied, or why can they have a baby and we can't?" So, I have been working on that. I have been trying to really spend time praising the Lord and just being thankful for all of the blessing that he has graciously given me. I have been reading this book entitled "31 days of Praise" by Ruth Meyers. It's just a little book filled with devotions that just help you to really be thankful and praise the Lord. I wanted to share a little piece of it with you.

"Thank you my gracious and sovereign God, that You have been with me and carried me from the day of my birth until today...that you have known my whole life, from beginning to end, since before I was born...and that you wrote in Your book all of the days that You ordained for me before one of them came to be.

Thank You that in Your gracious plan to bless me and use me, You've allowed me to go through hard times, through trials that many people go through in this fallen world. How Glad I am that You are so good at reaching down and making something beautiful out of even the worst situations!

I praise you that the things that happened in my past, both enjoyable and painful, are raw materials for blessings, both in my life and the lives of others."

These words are a reminder to me that my life is not horizontal. It's not about me and "them". It's not about me feeling like I am somehow short changed on certain issues. My life {and my husband's, of course} is VERTICAL! It's about He and I. He has a plan for Seth and I and even though I don't get His timing or what He is doing, he knows us and our desire to serve Him. So, today I praise the Lord because He has never left me.

The Journey

2007-06-03T13:36:00.000-04:00

It has taken me some time to catch on to this "blog" thing. I have never been much for getting online much and I have never been disciplined enough to keep a diary or journal. I remember buying a pretty little leather bound book and vowing to begin to journal regularly so that I could share my past with my kids some day. That lasted about three days each entry shorter than the last and eventually resulted in my house being peppered with pretty little books all with some small blurb about my life. I have always thought that keeping a journal would be a nice way to look back on life, but apparently I do not feel too strongly about it since I can't seem to bring it to fruition! So, anyhow, I am trying to introduce something that if I did journal, I would journal about. My husband and I have been married for five beautiful years. I married young, only 20, but if you knew me you would know that I am not a patient person. I have always been one who is always chomping at the bit waiting for the next big thing to happen in my life. So, when my husband didn't want to have kids right away I was just heartbroken. Of course my emotions were in no facet connected to my common sense. My husband grounds me and helps me to think less with my emotions and a little more with my head. So, in seeing his perspective, I agreed that we should wait until the "right time". Fast forward to last year-finally Seth agreed that we could start trying! I was elated! I pitched the birth control pills and announced to everyone that we were going to start trying to have a baby. I was and still am surrounded by babies and pregnant people. My sister in law has FIVE girls and my other sister in law two girls and two boys. I know that we have never celebrated a holiday together without someone being pregnant in my family. So, they passed down all their maternity clothes to me and the bassinet and all the other things that they thought I could use. All the while my girl friends from church are all getting pregnant and some even for the second and third time. At one point I had NINE friends who were pregnant between church and work. It was nuts. So, yeah we have been trying now for what seems like seven years to a very impatient girl. A couple of months ago I went to my gynecologist and she decided that she wanted to start doing tests on me to see what was going on. She said that since I have endometriosis {a condition where your uterine lining grows outside the uterus in a web like pattern connecting to organs and causing scar tissue and sometimes infertility} getting pregnant could be a challenge. So she scheduled my for a hysterosalpingogram. That is a test where they inject dye into your fallopian tubes to make sure they are not occluded in any way. Let me tell you, that was the absolute most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life. I will spare you the details, but it was bad. So fast forward again to today, still not pregnant. She wants to do an endometrial biopsy now which mean pointy knives down there which I am not crazy about. Between the tests and doing the ovulation kits, it really takes the fun out of trying. It makes it awful. So, how do I feel about everything? It hurts and I am sad. I am at the point where I don't want to do a hundred different tests. I just want to rest and let the Lord have this. I am so impatient and sometimes I feel somehow that the Lord is obligated to give me the desires of my heart. And, that is a big mistake. The Lord doesn't owe me a thing. In fact, I have already been blessed far beyond what I deserve or could ever earn by my own merit. After all, He saved me and has given me ETERNAL life. If He was to never give me another blessing, I would still never be worthy of the gift He has already given me. So, here is what I have to say. Lord, it's yours! I give you my fears and the sadness. I give you my desire to start a family. I don't compare myself to others and justify why I feel that somehow I may be deserving. Instead I give myself wholly to you. After all, it says in Jeremiah 29:11 that you have a plan for me and that it's a plan for good and not for harm, for a hope and future. I believe that and entrust this to you.

The BIG debate

2007-06-02T09:36:00.000-04:00

Many of you who read this blog do not know me. Also, many of you who read this blog are different from me too. After all, God made us all different. That being said, everyone out there is welcome to to read my blog, but there is no reason to be judgemental about the things that make us different or the things that I endorse in my life that you may not. When I started this blog I was naive about how nasty people can be. And frankly, I talked with my husband about taking this blog off the net all together. But He is an amazing man and encouraged me to stand firm in who I am and not be ashamed. Even with that being said, it is not necessary to use a blog as a mask to be judgemental and hurtful to others. While I like tattoos and use them as an opportunity to show the world who I am through Christ and what He has done for me, I am not forcing them on any of you. I love all people tattooed or not. It's a non issue. Maybe we should all show a little grace to one another because the Father has shown us all far more grace than we deserve.

WOO HOO TATTOO!

2007-05-22T21:37:00.001-04:00

This is Janette and I checking out God's creation!

FRIENDS!

2007-05-22T21:32:00.001-04:00

Friends are a true gift from God! I thank God for you Janette!

An insurmountable task!

2007-05-22T21:26:00.000-04:00

Janette and I decided that we would go on a little walk on the Ladies Retreat and came upon a mini mount Everest! We made it through not once but twice. The second time we had some company! The ladies from Harvest rock!

Ladies Retreat

2007-05-20T18:57:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I attended a ladies retreat. I have to tell you that if you have never attended a retreat that I highly recommend it! It was so wonderful and amazing to see the Lord at work in women's lives. It's amazing how He speaks when we take time to listen. This weekend has taught me to be thankful for the grace that the Lord has poured over my life. I have also had an opportunity to meet new women and start new friendships. The Lord is so good.

2007-04-30T20:43:00.000-04:00

check out the site of my tattoo guy...His name is JP
The shop he works at is awesome. It's the cleanest, neatest tattoo place I have ever seen and he does great work....www.needlesoffury.net

2007-04-30T20:36:00.000-04:00

I want to share something with you that Seth, my husband, and I are taking part in. We are currently part of a bible study written by Dave Ramsey entitled "Financial Peace university" It's an awesome study that teaches how to manage your money in a way that's pleasing to God and beneficial for you and your future. Seth and I are loving it and we are on our way to being debt free which is a major goal and component of the series. Finances are a major stressor to most families in America. Did you know that the average American household carries $8000 in credit card debt???? It's crazy! I encourage you to check this study out and have financial peace! check it out at www.daveramsey.com

2007-04-30T20:29:00.000-04:00

This chick has ALOT of tattoos! Wow! Sometimes people think that tattoos are a reflection of who you are on the inside, in a negative way. I encourage you to look on the inside because you would see that I am a...

"WIDE EYED SANCTIFIED BLOOD BOUGHT SPIRIT TAUGHT BIBLE TOTIN' SCRIPTURE QUOTIN SATAN BASHIN', SIN TRASHIN, BIG TIME BELIEVER AND PROUD OF IT!" I heard that somewhere once and I love it! Seriously though, it's important to be who you are and stand by your beliefs. That is alot of the reason why I love tattoos so much. They are a way for me to express to the world who I am through Christ.

2007-04-30T20:27:00.000-04:00

2007-04-30T20:24:00.000-04:00

Seth and I at Rainbow Falls in Gatlinburg, Tennessee

2007-04-30T19:51:00.000-04:00

Here is a picture of my little baby...Dawson

Notice to the left, there is a corner that the not so cute Dawson chewed.....he's bad but he's cute!

little ditty about me

2007-04-30T19:33:00.000-04:00

Well...here is a little bit about me
My name is Amanda. I am a 25 year old married girl who is in love with Jesus and my husband. I have been married for five years. I am a woundcare nurse. I love to sing and my husband and I have motorcycles that we love to ride. I LOVE tattoos. I have a bunch of them and so does my husband. All of my tattoos represent who I am as a Christian. We don't have any children, but have been trying to start a family for about a year. It's frustrating, but I am trusting the Lord through it all because I know that our lives are in His hands.