I have officially become HORRIBLE at blogging

I just logged onto my blog and realized that it's been a cool three months since I have posted anything! Wow, maybe it's time to hang up the hat on this! I guess when you are a mom and work full time, the time to sit on the computer just for the fun of it is non existent.

So, let's do a quick update-

Matty turned one! WOW! I am going to post some pictures. I can't believe that one entire year has passed on one hand and on the other, I can't remember ever being without him. We had a heck of a big party which he will never remember! I just feel so blessed after having wanted to be a mom for so long to have a one year old. He's growing so fast, running all around and getting into all kinds of things that he shouldn't. I am getting a crash course in being patient, that's for sure. I have a new appreciation for my own mom and dad more and more everyday.

Yes, we are pregnant again. How do I feel? Hmmm, interesting question. I mean, I am thankful and happy but the whole pregnancy thing is married to thick trepidation so I am desperately trying to mind over matter and enjoy the process but it's difficult. Part of me is convinced daily that things won't come to fruition with this pregnancy. I have been praying a lot that the Lord would give me peace. I know that it's His will anyway so I have to trust Him and know that He is above all. By the way, due in October-which seems ten years away!

Still trying to sell the darn house in Ford City. That thing is a thorn in my side. If I had a buck for every time a sale fell through I guess I would only have five bucks or so but it sure seems like a lot. The gutters froze and broke tumbling into the awning which subsequently also shattered. That was a nice $1500 bill. Ugh, saps the life out of you. The Lord will provide though.

BTW, not going to find out if we are having a boy or girl-yeah we are going to be surprised. It will be nice to be surprised.

So, that's the update. We are happy and healthy and thanking the Lord for where we are and just doing some major praying that this little one in my belly will be healthy and well just breathing when he/she comes out!

Where has time gone?

It's hard for me to believe that somehow this last year has completely slipped away from me. I have gone from having a tiny little defenseless infant to the little crazy man that he is today. I never pictured myself chasing a little naked butt as I am trying to strap him down to get his diaper on! But-here I am! He's so fast-he can climb our stairs in like thirty seconds! I can't even begin to describe the joy that Matty has infused into our lives. He is absolutely hilarious. I seriously can't wait to have more children. That will come in the Lord's time though! So, to those of you who follow my blog-if there is anyone left out there-here are some updates pictures and my apologies for not posting more often!

I have the GREATEST Friends!

I had the best weekend...three of my dearest friends came to visit me and we had a wonderful time.It's amazing just how being with your best girlfriends can melt away stress and allow your crazy side to come out! As much as I love being a mom, sometimes, I can't help but notice that the free sprited crazy girl has been replaced by the mother who is far more serious! Thank you girls! I love you so much!

6 months old!

Matty will be six months old in only a few days. I can't believe I have been a mother for six months on one hand but on the other I can't imagine ever not being Matty's mom. He has two teeth now and is working very diligently to cut the two upper teeth. He drinks from a sippy cup too! He crawls on the floor, although not very gracefully! We are still working on sleeping through the night, but I don't mind. It's so hard to believe how quickly he is growing. He has such a great personality and is genuinely happy. Although, I have to say, I have seen recently that a little monster emerges when we attempt to put the boy in his car seat. There is something that he just doesn't appreciate about being tied in. Perhaps he is a free spirit like his Mommy!

Angry Mess

Well, we just hit the four month mark, and the little man is finally ready for something other than just a liquid diet! So, we have been working on integrating some steak and potatoes-or should I say rice cereal and pears? It's so exciting to see Matthew learning about food, the taste, stickiness, and feel of it in his mouth! He is doing well but man does he get completely drenched in food when he eats. It seems that he and I are in a spoon grabbing competition with each mealtime. I had to share this picture. It's hilarious!

Breastfeeding:before and after

It's weird how your perspective changes on situations based on the side of the fence you are on.I always knew that I wanted to nurse my kids but my thoughts on nursing before I did it and now once that I am doing it vary a great deal. So, I have compiled a list of my thoughts on breastfeeding now that I am in the saddle!

1. While I do believe in being discreet, I do believe that it's my right to nurse wherever the heck I want. For the first two weeks I nursed, I was terrified of doing it in public and didn't want to leave the house. I would go back to the car and nurse the baby for fear of what people would think. Then something clicked and I realized a couple of things. First, I am the only one who can feed my little one and he is depending on me. If he wants to eat, I am going to feed him-end of story. Secondly, in case society has blurred your vision, God made boobs to feed babies-not to fill full of saline and squeeze into tiny triangular shaped bathing suits. I shouldn't have to be embarrassed because I am doing what I was created to do.

2. The bond that it creates between you and your child is immeasurable. This is something that my little boy and I share that no one else shares with him and I love the closeness nursing provides.

3. I recently bought nursing pads made my Gerber that had no sticky adhesive on the back. Whoever made these pads couldn't have been thinking. As I am nursing and trying to be houdini so no one gets a free show, my nursing pad comes flying out. Great. Or, if it doesn't come flying out, it bunches all up so it doesn't do it's job and it makes me look like I stuffed my bra with a lumpy sock. So, don't buy nursing pads without the little sticky. It makes a BIG difference.

4. Did you know nursing burns an extra 500 calories a day? That my friend is why after only three months, I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant!!

5. When you are a nursing mother, you have to give consideration to all the items in your wardrobe. In the morning a shirt may be more than appropriate but as the day goes on and you are away from your little one, it may grow less and less appropriate! You may end your work day looking like Pamela Lee Anderson if you aren't careful!!

6. I feel the rewards greatly outweigh the inconveniences of nursing so my advice to all mothers is- Go for it!

School of Hard Knocks?

So I am just a few weeks away from my ten year high school reunion. I can't believe it's been ten years. I don't feel as old as I thought people my age were when I was young. And, as I have been on the committee planning the reunion, I have had alot of time to really think about how I have changed since I graduated. I have learned so much. I wish someone would have told me all the stuff that I had to figure out on my own but then again, get real, as a teen I wouldn't have believed them anyhow. So, here is my two cents about the last ten years:

1. Whether you are popular in high school in no way effects whether you are successful and popular in life.

2. If I would have been as ambitious about my studies as I was with being in every single extra curricular activity, I wouldn't still be paying on my student loans because I would have had scholarships

3. I spent way too much time worrying about what other people thought. Who the heck really cares if your jeans come from Wal-Mart of Abercrombie?

4. In high school, I spent all my time trying to convince everyone-mostly my parents-that I knew everything. I have spent these past ten years discovering just how much I still have to learn.

5. Small schools and small towns aren't bad. When I was in high school, I wanted nothing more than to get as far away from this town as possible. Now ten years later, we've moved back here.

6. When we were kids, we didn't have to walk through metal detectors to get into school and kids didn't get in trouble for carrying pocket knives. My goodness how things have changed in ten years.

7. I wish I would have been less afraid to stand up for my faith. People knew that I was a Christian but I am sure that I could have done a better job acting like one.


So...those are my thoughts about high school. Holy crap, time flies...

I love Motherhood

I have to say that being a mom is the greatest thing that I have ever experienced.I have wanted it for so long! I don't know if it's what I expected. I am not sure what I expected exactly, but it's wonderful. Matty is almost three months old now and I still remain sleep deprived but every time he smiles at me, it makes it all worth it. He's getting to the point where he wants to play now and I love it. He smiles and laughs and my heart melts.

Tub Time!

Our little boy LOVES the water! We just got him a new tub!

Ahhh, motherhood

The little man is sleeping so I have decided that I should quickly update my blog sine these opportunities seem to be few and far between. There are so many things that I have learned in this last month. I had so many ideas of what being a mother would be like and now...I am realizing that I had no clue! Here are some of the things that I have recently learned.
1. Boys pee EVERYWHERE!
2. The episiotomy was worse than the delivery.
3. I have never been so in love :)
4. I was so worried about not knowing what to do, but it just comes. It really does.
5. Nursing Matthew has been such an amazing bonding experience.
6. I have never been so sleep deprived or delirious.
7. I really underestimated how much time it takes to take care of a baby. He dictates everything that I do.
8. I never understood why people with kids could never get anywhere on time. I use to think they were just poor planners and then I had Matthew. Last week we were just ready to go out the door and he peed all over his clothes- so I was late! It doesn't matter how early you start getting ready, stuff still happens.

What about you? Have any of you had surprises with motherhood?

Motherhood Has arrived

Wow...I am a mom. I finally am a mom. I grossly underestimated the shock this would impose on my life! Wow! As evidenced by the fact the the little guy is three weeks old today and I a just now getting to posting about having him! What an amazing ride this has been. When I look into his little face, I still can't believe that I had a part in creating him. Seth and I just stare at Matthew sometimes in utter disbelief.

Well, to go back a little bit...

I went into the hospital at 8am on the 8th to be induced. They started the cytotek to thin my cervix out shortly after I arrived. That medication produced only mild period like cramps. I was able to walk around all morning with little difficulty. At noon, the doctor came in and broke my water. That's when the craziness began. I went from comfortable to crying in pain in less than ten minutes. In fact, the doctor came back in shortly after breaking my water and the baby's heartrate had begun to show signs of distress. It had dipped into the sixties with normal ranging from 120-150 BPM. He immediately order Brethine {sp?}, an IV push medication to slow down my labor. The labor had come on so strongly that the baby wasn't able to tolerate it. They also gave me oxygen. It was really scary. But, the medication worked and Matthew's heartrate stabilized. After that, I was nice and comfortable with my newly placed epidural to reach full dilation. The doctor came in to check me at about ten minutes til six and said, "we are having this baby!" I of course was terrified and unsure if I still wanted to go through with it...He assured me that I would be able to do it and rushed out to get his clothes on for the delivery. He came back in and three contractions later, Matthew was born!

He was 7 pounds 1 ounce and 20 inches long- and he came out screaming!

We went home from the hospital on Tuesday morning. It was so unbelievable to be able to carry a baby out of that place. Seth and I were just beside ourselves.

The first week was a really rough one. I had no idea that recovering from childbirth could be so hard. When I had Mia, she was so little {2.1 pounds} that I didn't need an episiotomy. I wasn't so lucky this time. I was in agony for an entire week. I remember thinking...what have I done? I can't even take care of myself! How am I going to be a mom? I slept, took pain medication and sat on icepacks for a full week before I started to feel better. But amazingly, it got better and it has been totally worth it all.

So, here I am...Matthew is three weeks old and Seth and I can't imagine being without him. Sure, it's a major life change and I do miss sleep-because I get none but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Here are some pictures of him. I will try to post a bit more often than every three weeks, but man...I can't make any promises!

Tomrrow is the big day

Wow, I can't even believe that tomorrow I am going to be able to hold my little boy. I am so unbelievably overwhelmed that I can't even put it into words. I feel like I have been pregnant forever! And, right now I am pretty darn uncomfortable and miserable. I am scared out of my mind. I never had a chance to be scared with Mia. Everything happened so fast, but with this one, I have had plenty of time to get all freaked out about everything. I think I have read far too much and watched far too many baby shows. That in combination with being a nurse...good grief! I am going gray just thinking about it. Please pray for us! It's going to be a memorable day. Finally we are going to be getting the child that we have longed for for so long!
God is good, isn't He!

Nursery Pictures

Well, I have finally conceded and decided to work on the nursery. It is finally complete with three weeks to spare!

Shower Time

Here are some pictures from my baby Showers! How exciting!

31 weeks

Well, I went to the doctor today. Matthew is no longer breech! His head is down in my pelvis-which may explain why I constantly feel like I am going to wet my pants! They also had me go for a fetal non stress test which the doctor said looked great as well. I didn't gain any weight this month. I am not sure why. I eat. Maybe it's because I am eating less amounts because of the awful heartburn.I don't know. He did an ultrasound though and he's growing fine. Who knows? As long as he is healthy!

My baby shower is in two weeks. I am so so so excited! Mia died just before I had a shower last time so this will really be very exciting!

Keep praying! I won't relax until I hear cries...

29 weeks

It's hard to believe that I am more pregnant than I have ever been! Yesterday I went to the doctor and had another ultrasound. The baby was kicking the probe the entire time. The doctor was really happy with the activity! He said that I can wait two weeks to come back rather than one! Woo Hoo! Little Matty is breech though. Of course, the doctor told me that we would have to do a c-section if he doesn't flip. I don't care though. As long as I get a healthy baby, I don't care how he gets here! I didn't gain any weight this time when I went. I started the pregnancy weighing 128 and now I weigh 146.8. I have gained just under twenty pounds which is good according to what I have read. The doctor asked me if I had been eating. He apparently doesn't know me! I have been eating everything in site! I just think that I have been so active that I am working it all off!

more house photos!

These photos are random and are in random order....sorry poor planning on my part. I left out a bunch of rooms because I didn't want it to get too boring! Hope you like our new place!!

House photos

House photos

Our new House

I have been so busy trying to get settled in than I have been really slow to get pictures of the new place up! Tonight I FINALLY took some pictures to give you all an idea of our new house. I didn't take pictures of all the rooms. I really have alot that I still want to change and update. We are both so very thankful and blessed to have been given the opportunity to buy this home. It's beautiful and will be a great place to raise a family!

Happy Birthday Mia

Well, it was one year ago that I delivered my darling little Mia. It's hard to believe that is has already been a year and that if she would have been breathing, I would have one year of motherhood under my belt and a one year old little girl. Instead I am at much the same place that I was last year at this time, only this year things are looking better, thank the good Lord. Little Matthew is growing well and is really active. I am 29 weeks now. I have finally decided to post a belly shot-I look huge by the way. This whole pregnancy has been so tentative for me that I have been afraid to accept that I am actually really pregnant and this might even result in a live baby. But, the Lord is sustaining me during this fearful time and I have to say my calmness has surprised even me. Tomorrow I go to the doctor again and will have another ultrasound-my fifth or sixth-can't remember. I have to go every week now. I feel like I am there all the time but I guess that's good, right? Please continue to keep Seth and I and little Matthew in your prayers!

Moving day

Well tomorrow we sign the papers and officially can move into our new home. I am beyond excited. I have never been so ready and although staying with my mom and dad these past weeks has been surprisingly not too bad, a girl needs her own space. A girl as big as me with hormones raging like mine needs her own space. ugh I also need a house with more than one bathroom so when I have to pee, I can. Last night I got up three times to pee. I weighed myself yesterday too. It's the first time I have ever weighed myself and had to lean to the left to see the number. I feel huge but my mom says I am all baby. Of course, I am sure she would never say otherwise. I have gained 20 pounds. I am shooting for under thirty total....hopefully. I went to the doctor's yesterday and had the test for gestational diabetes. It came out fine but my bloodwork came back that I am anemic. It's no wonder I have been feeling like a wet rag these past weeks. So, I am going to be on iron supplements which means more constipation...woo hoo! Otherwise things are going pretty well. I am so darm overwhelmed by everything. Right now I am 27 weeks pregnant and we lost Mia at 28 which totally scares me, we are moving and buying a new house even though we haven't sold our old house. Now, that is scary. No one wants to pay for two houses. I am just praying that after Christmas business picks up and the house generates some interest. Well, once again...like everything that has been happening, it's out of my hands. Well, all...keep praying for us. We need it. I look forward to posting pictures of our new house once we are settled!!

The new Doc

So, one of the most unpleasant things about moving is the fact that mid pregnancy I have to change doctors. This was especially hard on me because the practice I was with was there during the whole thing with Mia as well as the endometriosis and all that. Changing gynecologists is hard. I never want more people looking down there than are absolutely necessary and now I feel like I have a whole new audience. I went to see this new doctor last week and he seems nice. He was very kind and informative-although difficult to understand which I hate. He wants to see me next week and then in two more weeks. Following that I have to go to the hospital {45 min drive} once a week for an appointment and the to have a fetal non stress test at the hospital. I told the doc that I was going to bring a sleeping bag and sleep under his desk because I am going to be there so much. I guess it's good though. One of my favorite things about this new practice is that there is only one MD for me to see-so I know for sure who will deliver and that he does ultrasounds in the office which is very convenient. With Mia I had an ultrasound at 17 weeks and not again before I lost her at 28 so it was really nice to have an ultrasound at 25 weeks when I was there. It's so comforting to see that everything looks ok. Keep praying as we are quickly approaching the time where we lost Mia. I know that the Lord will see us through this.

Still trusting

Well, the offer on our house has fallen through. I cried at first because I just felt really hopeful that it would all work out, but I am trusting the Lord and knowing that He is in control and that He has brought us this far, He won't leave us now!Still hanging in there staying with mom and dad. ugh...it's been harder on me than anyone else. I am just miss independence! I keep telling myself that it's a short time! I know that this will all be worth it! God is good and he takes care of his children!

My family

Here is our most recent family picture-including Matthew's debut...right in my belly!

Stress Stress and more stress

I never thought this process was going to be easy and to be honest have dreaded it from the go, but I never anticipated the impact of a highly emotional change combined with raging pregnancy hormones. We packed up our home in Ford City and have moved all our worldly possessions into a 20x10 storage unit until we can close on our new home. Initially I thought that I would stay in our house and Seth would just work up here, meeting on the weekends but that was too much for me. My parents and Seth begged me to just stay with them until the closing of our new home and I finally conceded. No one wants to live at home. And while I love my parents, I have been living on my own for ten years. It's not reasonable to rent a place ad move twice for the four-six weeks it's going to take for us to get into our new home so really we don't have any other options. It's just hard to go from living on your own in your own home to being back in your childhood pink bedroom-if only for a few weeks. I am sure that the process is only exacerbated by my hormones which are so unbelievably out of wack. We are approaching the window of time in which we lost Mia which really scares me in combination of trying to tie up loose ends in Ford City and keep life somewhat normal while staying here. I am also trying to continue working while balancing the talks with lawyers and real estate agents to both sell our home and buy the next. Our home in Ford City has received an offer which is wonderful but the home inspection says that the home needs some work-which of course! It's a hundred years old! So, we are working on that and hoping and praying that we can come to some fair agreement that will benefit all parties. I have left my beautiful home office-newly remodeled-and have relocated to my parent's basement. ugh. I keep telling myself that it's only a few weeks and that when we are in our new home this will all be worth it. Keep my sanity it your prayers-those of you who follow this blog. I know that all things work together for our good so I am trying to lean on that.

The Lord has his hand on us.

Well, After only four days of being on the mrket, we have an official signed agreement. So pending a home inspection, our house has been sold! It's amazing! I was hoping and praying that our house would sell in three months but the Lord had different plans for us!Our expected closing date is December 18th! He is so good. He exceeds our expectations. Now we just have to pray that the house we are working on getting in Smethport goes through. No worries, right?

Life Just Got REALLY CHAOTIC!

Seth and I have been praying since I was pregnant with Mia that the Lord would open up a way for us to relocate to be near my parents. This is for several reasons. First of all, my mom and dad don't have any grandkids so we really want to share that with them and secondly because Seth had a great relationship with his grandfathergrowing up and he wants the same for our little one. But, up until now...the answer from the Lord has been no, or wait rather. I had all but given up because nothing was panning out until this past Friday when Seth was offered a new job near where they live.
So, I am pretty much really really overwhelmed. I cried for the first two days because I just really was having a hard time thinking about everything. The thought of leaving all my friends here and my church was just so much. I love this area, but on the other hand I don't feel like I am being fair to my mom and dad by living so far away.
Since we found out, things have been crazy. We have been up north looking for homes and put an offer in on one yesterday. We still don't know if it's accepted. We are also working feverishly to get our home ready to go on the market on Monday.
Please keep us in your prayers during this transition. It's really hard but I know that it's the Lord's Will. My biggest concern is timing. I really don't want to pay for two homes for any length of time. But, I have to know {and this is where Faith comes in} that the Lord led us to where we are and that he will see us through.
Thanks for all your prayers and support!!

It's a BOY!

Well, Seth and I are always at odds about finding out what we are having. We didn't know Mia was a girl and Seth was convinced that we were going to be surprised with this one as well. But, just before out appointment, he conceded and we decided to find out!

It was quite apparent that we are having a boy and we are so thankful and so excited! I am nearly halfway now and so far everything is going well.I have a doppler at home so I am able to hear the heartbeat regularly which really eases my mind. Although I have to say, I probably will not fully relax until I hear the cries of our little one.

His name is going to be Matthew Charles. Matthew is after my brother and Charles is after Seth's brother. I think it's a good strong name.

So...that's where we are! Please continue to pray for the safety of this child and for the sanity of the one carrying him!

Dogs Behaving Badly.

Seth and I are dog lovers, although I never use to be. I never got how those pet lovers were so over the top about their pets until we got dogs. Our dogs have been like children and we have been horrible parents! Our dogs behave badly! They have no manners and I am habitually embarrassed by their lack of courtesy with other people and dogs. So, we have decided to take action. We have enrolled them in obedience school. I am so happy that it feels like Christmas. Finally I am going to be able to invite guests and not have to applogize for the dogs over zealous behaviour with company. Yesterday we went to our first class and I was amazed at how well they did. They really seem to want to learn. All along, they have wanted to learn. Seth and I just didn't know how to properly instruct them! Fancy that!

12 weeks

Well, We have made it to milestone one-12 weeks. It definitely does lend some relief. I am starting to feel a little better as far as the nausea is concerned and my energy level is creeping back up too which is so nice. I am in that weird in between stage with my clothes too-which makes me nuts. My maternity clothes for the most part are too big but my regular clothes are way too tight. Hopefully within the next six weeks or so, I will be able to be fully into my maternity clothes and actually look the part! It's very exciting and yet I remain guarded. My joy and excitement is seeping through from time to time though. I actually allowed myself to look through the closet filled with all the baby things we had for Mia. It made me so excited to think that the Lord has blessed Seth and I with the opportunity to be parents again. He is so good. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we make this journey!

God is Good

Well, to be honest I really debated about telling anyone about this pregnancy. I thought I could just wear baggy clothes and let people whisper about how I had let myself go. I have just been so fearful. I didn't want to have to tell everyone that I had lost another. But I then decided that so many people hurt with us when we lost Mia. Those people should be able to rejoice with us this time. And, those same people love us and want to be able to stand with us in prayer throughout this pregnancy. And, I stand here today to tell you that I feel those prayers. I am calm and trusting. I can't be sure that everything will be okay, but I can be sure that the Lord hears the prayers of his faithful people and I know that we are being prayed for. Please continue to pray for us. We need every single prayer.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away

Well, we just finally were able to get Mia's stone placed in the cemetery. I am pleased with how it looks. It's very sombering to be 26 years old and going to the cemetary to see your child. Thankfully, we know she isn't there.

And, ironically, we have some good news, we are PREGNANT AGAIN! This has been completely crazy. Mia was due March 24th and this one is due March 23rd! It's so unbelievable. Yesterday I went and had the ultrasound sound to confirm the pregnancy and we heard the heartbeat. This meant so much because at the last ultrasound, there was no heartbeat.

How am I? I am a total wreck. I want to jump up and down and be so excited because Seth and I have deeply desired this for so long but I am so afraid that something will go wrong. I find myself humming...I've got peace like a river almost constantly to keep me sane. I keep telling myself that the Lord wants good for us and to give us hope and a future {Jeremiah 29:11}. It's just a very emotional time.

Please keep us in your prayers as we pray for a positive outcome with this pregnancy.