pressing on

We went to church today and it was just a bundle of emotions. I sobbed through all of the worship and with every sigh and hug. Still though I felt the hand of the Lord through it all. Friday Seth and I went shopping and we bought a beautiful wooden chest with brass fixtures to put all we have of our little girl in. In it we put the cards we have received, the little dress she wore, her footprints and the ultrasound video. It's such a sweet way to remember her. Yesterday I went back to the gym. I know it's only been a week, but the Lord has been good and my body felt ready. Tuesday I am going to try to go back to work. I know it won't be easy and I have made it clear to my employer that if I need to leave, I will. I just can't become part of the couch. Believe me, I would like to sometimes though. I talked with a lady who had a still born. She said that she got pregnant two months after she lost her first. I pray that for Seth and I. I just want to feel life again. I keep dreaming about all of this at night. It's like my body is confused. One minute I am nurturing a little soul and the next, she's gone. I look forward to the day that I can look at all this and not hurt. Seth and I started doing devotions together at night and praying together. I am embarrassed to say that we were not faithful with this before. We both just want to be united and strong in our faith. We want this to grow our marriage and our love for the Lord and not cause division. So, one more day has passed and still we breathe on. In situations like this, just breathing is a triumph. It's already the sixth of January. Before long, this will be a distant memory in everyone's mind and I will be known as the girl who lost a baby...